How to be the go-to person of someone with depression or anxiety

We’ve all probably noticed that the news and themes about depression have been prevalent for the past few months. From international news to your social media feeds. Plus other related topics that the Philippine media focuses on for awareness.

Depression that leads to suicide is a true horror story for the families left behind, and a hard truth to accept for some of the members of their community.

According to World Health Organization, “Depression is a common mental disorder, characterized by persistent sadness and a loss of interest in activities that you normally enjoy, accompanied by an inability to carry out daily activities, for at least two weeks.

"In addition, people with depression normally have several of the following: a loss of energy; a change in appetite; sleeping more or less; anxiety; reduced concentration; indecisiveness; restlessness; feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or hopelessness; and thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

"Depression is treatable, with talking therapies or antidepressant medication or a combination of these.”

You may click on the following links to learn more about depression:
http://ppa.philpsych.ph/
http://www.doh.gov.ph/Health-Advisory/Depressive-Disorders

Based from what we are known for – Filipino communities are composed of diverse, religious, family-oriented, and bubbly individuals; thus, we may think that depression is not a major issue to tackle. But even though we don’t have the most recent statistics yet, it’s clear that in our country, cases of depression related to suicide are under-reported, Take it from Sen. Grace Poe’s statement when she filed the Senate Resolution 257 in year 2013.

*atmnl aims to update this article with the latest statistics released by WHO and DOH.

The causes of depression may vary, but considering the current setup of the Filipino community, here are the most prevalent: poverty, death/loss of a loved one, failure, culture, judging society, low self-esteem, feeling that you’re not enough, demotivation and/or other things that we can relate to “over sadness” (if there’s  such a word) leading to depression and anxiety.

If you want to be there for someone experiencing this, we recommend that you do a thorough study about depression and seek for professional advice. Perhaps, we should try to do what we are capable of — offer emotional support and psychological security (at work or when the person needs it). If you think someone dear to you is experiencing extreme sadness or starting to space out for longer periods of time, we can make them feel light by being their go-to person.

1. Be open to talk. Most of us can say that we are open to talk about any problems, but are we really listening? Dedicate a time to talk to him/her, listen, and watch his/her actions. Be more approachable if the talk is about between the two of you (reconcile or resolve an issue as soon as possible to lessen the problems you both are going through).

**Surprisingly, a simple question like “Kamusta ka na? (How are you?)” means a lot to someone who is experiencing extreme sadness.

2. Offer help. As you observe him/her, try to learn the main cause of loneliness and think of a way to change the mood of the situation.

– If you think that person tends to overthink, try not to add or stir up their emotions.
– If you think that person loves food, eat with them. Regular meal breaks at work or snack time are some of the most perfect times to bond.
– If you think he/she is not comfortable in a situation or discussing a certain topic, simple let them be.

3. Refrain from being pushy. Sometimes peer pressure and trying so hard to manage other people’s expectations can cause sadness, especially when he/she feels the discontentment of the other person.

4. Learn to be more appreciative, not judgmental. If you think other people are discouraging him/her, be the opposite. Give him/her necessary space to prove themselves. Don’t blatantly show frustrations (no one wants to see other people being disappointed at them).

5. Read between the lines. Nowadays, most of the people prefer social media platforms to seek for emotional support. Pick up some hints from there whether it’s a selfie or a status.

**Let’s acknowledge that some of us can get irritated with a series of negative posts online, but if you really know the person or you are a big follower,  you will surely notice the changes. If you just know you can’t stand it, practice “scrolling up, down, or away” instead of roasting or saying something mean to that person. You don’t want your name to be written in their long list of ex-friends or be part of their reasons why they’re feeling the way they are. We don’t know exactly what other people are feeling.

6. Encourage them to look at the bigger picture or notice the small details. They might only need assurance or someone that they can consult with. Like what doctors always say: ask for a second opinion. *Just be real and honest as possible without causing more harm to the person. We don’t want to give them false hope.

7. Refrain from acting as their hero. Remember to set limitations, you don’t want them to depend solely on you the whole time. Just be the person they can count on during the hard times.

8. Allow them to be themselves when they are around you. Acceptance is key. 😉 We are not experts in this department, but being a good friend to a person experiencing extreme sadness is the next best move to take after knowing the causes of it.

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We’re not claiming to be experts on this field, and we know you have even more insights regarding this. We’d love for you to share them with us! You can even tell us how you help your friends going through these kinds of things.

In the end, know that what you’re doing to help your family, friends, and loved ones are greatly appreciated. No matter how little help you think you’re giving, it could mean everything to the person you're trying to help.