What does 'assurance' really mean in a relationship?

By atthemomentmanila@gmail.com
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04 May, 2018
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When you are in a relationship, you tend to think like a romantic poet. You will try to give everything to your special someone. You suddenly wish you can get the sun, the moon, and the stars just to make him/her happy.

The first few months is the best because that's when the feelings are most intense. You're always thinking of your next activity with your love, your dream out of town trip and the perfect date with the most romantic soundtrack playing in the background, echoing your heartbeat.

After a year or so, you'll realize that being in a relationship is not just about romance, especially when something between the two of you changed and you end up being caught in the middle.

Isn't it a great thing that 'assurance' exists? It's making sure that amidst the changes and challenges in your relationship, you still choose to be with each other.

Sure paranoia won't make you sleep at night, but when you're on the verge of giving up, you'll remember all the good things that happened between the two of you. More so, your sweet love drives you crazy in love again when they do spontaneous romantic gestures. If that's the case, there's nothing wrong in the relationship. It's all normal! Referencing to all couples - "challenges are always present in every relationship".

But if you always end up thinking negatively about the relationship, when you don't know your place in their life and you start feeling unimportant, what you need is re-assurance.

However it's never easy to directly ask for it, especially when you've been in the relationship for years. Some find it hard or difficult to discuss as they are afraid to hear the answers or to hurt their beloved.

Atmnl knows the feeling from both ends, so we are here to enlighten you! But first let's review what assurance entails. It's not just about telling your partner sweet words. It's all about the actions, too.

By then, you will know why you shouldn’t be ashamed of asking for [reassurance] it, and why it's important you show it to your partner as well.

1. Adjustment

Assurance also means knowing when to adjust if it's needed. It may be risky but it's always worth a try.

It's risky because the relationship might change for the worst -- you may both realize that you're not ready to adjust for each other, or you've fallen out of love already which may truly suck! However, it's always worth a try when you both know you're capable of doing it for each other.

This can also help you discover what you really mean for one another.

If you're confident enough to let your relationship change for the better, congratulations! You're both keepers. ;) But if it suddenly feels like someone is just using 'changes' as an excuse to discredit the other person in the equation, it all becomes a totally different story.

Remember, discovering each other's differences could be fun, exciting, and rewarding!

2. Security

It's an essential part of every relationship and parallel to assurance, it is how you love the person even when they're not around while ensuring them that there's nothing to worry about.

It's also for your own good! You should be able to express yourself and feel secure that you won't lose the other person easily. It means you're able to ask questions and get your doubts answered. You should also let him/her know if you're feeling lonely, jealous, ugly, or uncomfortable with a certain situation.

If they truly love you, they'll surely listen. And in turn, you'll listen to them as well.

3. Consideration

Overthinking is a trait we all hate but do anyway. When you overthink a specific situation negatively and you tell your partner, it can result to a ruined day, date, or mood.

But how do you do it? The trick is simple -- instead of overthinking, you can try and understand each other's situation and feelings. If your other half is tired, let them rest. Don't insist what you want. Hear them out.

Always be sensible and consider what they might be feeling or thinking. We assure you they'll appreciate it, just like you would appreciate it if the roles were reversed.

4. Respect

Respect is probably one of the biggest recipes of love.

In maintaining a healthy and hearty relationship, there needs to be a high level of respect on the part of both partners. Couples who lack respect hold their relationship down to a lower level of well-being.

It's important that you always have a better understanding of one another. It's something that we, as lovers, have first committed to. Understanding leads to respect and respect leads to a harmonious relationship.

5. Actions

Assurance is an act that should be felt. You can use all the sweet words in the world, but keep in mind that even the wise have taught us all -- "actions speak louder than words".

When you love him/her, you should be able to show it. You can't just tell them you love him/her when you're acting as if you're not in a relationship.

6. Romance

Many people forget that even though years have passed, romance should always be felt by both sides. It's part of the commitment you first made. It's what makes your status 'in a relationship' unique, as it is different from the other relationships you have.

You are committed to be romantic to only one person!

If you know that romance is still there and your loved one keeps reciprocating what you're giving, you're definitely one of the lucky ones! Assurance is clear here and you won't have to ask for it.

7. Consistency

Do your best to understand what your significant other likes, and keep doing those things. If they're things that you also enjoy doing, you'll also enjoy putting a smile on his/her face.

Don't pretend to love anything that falls outside the realm of your natural behavior. If you hate outdoor sports, you don't have to feign an interest for their sake. Eventually, you'll stop participating and he/she will wonder what happened to the hiking buddy they loved so much. Don't be deceptive. In the end, you'll deceive yourself, too.

Maintenance is the key to a successful relationship!

Remember that it's normal to bore each other at times, but consider this as an opportunity to double your efforts and be more creative in showing your love.

8. Effort

Show effort, appreciate effort. If you're feeling extra, go for it! As long as you're capable and you feel that your significant other will definitely appreciate it.

But if you're the only one who's doing or making all the effort, that might be a sign that you're in a one-sided relationship. Think twice! It might be time to go back to number 1 (adjustment) and say what you feel.

Reassurance is a beautiful thing.

It reminds us why we cared in the first place, and why we chose that person to be our partner and best friend. It's really comforting to hear them say that we mean the world to them.

We shouldn't be ashamed to go up to that person and say, "look, I'm needing a bit of reassurance because I'm feeling a certain way..." (Not all the time, though! Constantly thirsting for reassurance can be annoying - think of how you'd feel if you start feeling strangled. But this is a conversation for another time.)

Sometimes, our loved ones get so caught up in their own lives that they tend to overlook our frustrations. This doesn't mean they don't care. It's our job to let them know and to accept the comfort when it's much needed.

Next time you think of asking for assurance, remember to speak up and consider the other person's feelings as well as your own!